So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
should my penis look like a turkey
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
