I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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