I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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