this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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