too bad you live with your parents still
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
