Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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