he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
