i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
