Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
