What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
