this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
