I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
