My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
