I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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