i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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