my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
