I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize