I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize