oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
