He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
