im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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