just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
