I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize