Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
