I want to have your abortion
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
