We're like a lot better than the average bears
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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