Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
