My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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