why didn't you poke me back
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
