if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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