Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
