You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
