Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
soo... how was my night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
