she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
