I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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