Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
