Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
