If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
