You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize