Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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