you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
