Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize