areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize