how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
