After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
