is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
