These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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