oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
this hospital has no fireball
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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