I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
