he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
