he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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