wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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