i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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