It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
