You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
