I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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