who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
