How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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