He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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