I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
