my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you never un-have a 4some
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
